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by G on Wed Dec 23, 2009 9:11 amThe advance of recovery groups as a new means of growth
12-step Recovery groups have done a lot of good, some things leave me unimpressed. I am seeing too much hate from supposedly recovered victims. I know of so-called victims who have left a trail of ravaged lives in their wake, all of whom supposedly "persecuted" this victim. The victim sometimes learn to talk a new language, but the fact is that they often still can't establish successful relationships. How can this be considered recovery? In some cases, they claim to have learned how to have good relationships now that they are out of the abuse system, but these good relationships are brand new! I still have my doubts unless time passes, because they felt the same way about other relationships not too long ago.
Meanwhile, the supposed abusers sometimes are successful in relationships, and no one else feels they are being abused by these people. It makes me wonder whether these well-adjusted people were really abusers, or whether the victim who cannot build good relationships merely interpreted other's behavior as abuse.
I must say that the presence of hate in the demeanor of "victims" is a highly discrediting feature in my opinion. I reject the view that their abuse justifies the hate. I think the hate may distort their perspective and make normal behavior appear to be abusive. I also think they have not recovered until they have learned not to hate.
I have interviewed numerous cases where wrongs may have been done (though there was almost always wrong on both sides), but the victim is unwilling to forgive, even after repeated apologies. Sometimes they claim they have forgiven, but their hate proves they haven't.
I am concerned about another tendency I am seeing on the part of some members of recovery groups. They study the symptomology of various types of abuse until they think they can discern abuse happening with others. Some of this discernment is very shabby and subjective--even credulous. Then they hurl charges at others, sometimes committing acts of abuse themselves as they do so. As time goes on, many are beginning to wonder whether the victims movement isn't creating as many victims through questionable accusations as they are helping.
Our church has suffered pitifully from allegations of child abuse as well as adult spiritual abuse. I don't know whether some of these accusations are true or not. But based on the information given me as to the basis for diagnosis, neither do the accusers know. The conclusion that a child must have been sexually abused because he or she behaves a certain way are particularly suspect. These apparently slip-shod diagnoses seem to invariably end up somehow producing hostility toward the church, both by the accusers, and by those who claim they are falsely accused. The victims or their advocates think the church is not taking strong enough action against perpetrators. The accused resent the fact that the church hasn't come to their defense.
A husband and father recently called me and shared that he is distressed by the demands of an extremist recovery group (one which practices tongues and healing along with mind-reading). They have taken the position that he is not supporting his wife unless he goes to their group. The choice of any other group is not an option. This is just like any other totalistic group as far as I can see. The claim made in Toxic Faith that 97% of all people are addicts on some level, and that people in recovery groups seem to be the only ones willing to do anything about their problems, seem like totalistic claims also. Is it possible that some recovery groups may be the next totalistic, toxic groups? The labeling of outsiders, the feeling that they know something none of the rest of us do, the insistence on going to their meetings (including group confessions), and the guilt that accrues when someone tries to leave, all remind me of descriptions of toxic groups.
Of course, some recovery groups are more responsible than others. But while I don't discourage participation in a recovery group, and our church even operates such groups on a biblical model, I think these authors take a naïve view in their suggesting that all recovery groups are good, and that anyone who says otherwise is probably a toxic leader. One wonders how the early church, the reformers and others ever made it without recovery groups! [b]Recovery enthusiasts like these advance a picture of a walking Christian drawing the life of God from the standard means of growth: Scripture, prayer, fellowship, service, suffering, and their recovery group.[/b]
12-step Recovery groups have done a lot of good, some things leave me unimpressed. I am seeing too much hate from supposedly recovered victims. I know of so-called victims who have left a trail of ravaged lives in their wake, all of whom supposedly "persecuted" this victim. The victim sometimes learn to talk a new language, but the fact is that they often still can't establish successful relationships. How can this be considered recovery? In some cases, they claim to have learned how to have good relationships now that they are out of the abuse system, but these good relationships are brand new! I still have my doubts unless time passes, because they felt the same way about other relationships not too long ago.
Meanwhile, the supposed abusers sometimes are successful in relationships, and no one else feels they are being abused by these people. It makes me wonder whether these well-adjusted people were really abusers, or whether the victim who cannot build good relationships merely interpreted other's behavior as abuse.
I must say that the presence of hate in the demeanor of "victims" is a highly discrediting feature in my opinion. I reject the view that their abuse justifies the hate. I think the hate may distort their perspective and make normal behavior appear to be abusive. I also think they have not recovered until they have learned not to hate.
I have interviewed numerous cases where wrongs may have been done (though there was almost always wrong on both sides), but the victim is unwilling to forgive, even after repeated apologies. Sometimes they claim they have forgiven, but their hate proves they haven't.
I am concerned about another tendency I am seeing on the part of some members of recovery groups. They study the symptomology of various types of abuse until they think they can discern abuse happening with others. Some of this discernment is very shabby and subjective--even credulous. Then they hurl charges at others, sometimes committing acts of abuse themselves as they do so. As time goes on, many are beginning to wonder whether the victims movement isn't creating as many victims through questionable accusations as they are helping.
Our church has suffered pitifully from allegations of child abuse as well as adult spiritual abuse. I don't know whether some of these accusations are true or not. But based on the information given me as to the basis for diagnosis, neither do the accusers know. The conclusion that a child must have been sexually abused because he or she behaves a certain way are particularly suspect. These apparently slip-shod diagnoses seem to invariably end up somehow producing hostility toward the church, both by the accusers, and by those who claim they are falsely accused. The victims or their advocates think the church is not taking strong enough action against perpetrators. The accused resent the fact that the church hasn't come to their defense.
A husband and father recently called me and shared that he is distressed by the demands of an extremist recovery group (one which practices tongues and healing along with mind-reading). They have taken the position that he is not supporting his wife unless he goes to their group. The choice of any other group is not an option. This is just like any other totalistic group as far as I can see. The claim made in Toxic Faith that 97% of all people are addicts on some level, and that people in recovery groups seem to be the only ones willing to do anything about their problems, seem like totalistic claims also. Is it possible that some recovery groups may be the next totalistic, toxic groups? The labeling of outsiders, the feeling that they know something none of the rest of us do, the insistence on going to their meetings (including group confessions), and the guilt that accrues when someone tries to leave, all remind me of descriptions of toxic groups.
Of course, some recovery groups are more responsible than others. But while I don't discourage participation in a recovery group, and our church even operates such groups on a biblical model, I think these authors take a naïve view in their suggesting that all recovery groups are good, and that anyone who says otherwise is probably a toxic leader. One wonders how the early church, the reformers and others ever made it without recovery groups! [b]Recovery enthusiasts like these advance a picture of a walking Christian drawing the life of God from the standard means of growth: Scripture, prayer, fellowship, service, suffering, and their recovery group.[/b]
deep deep down Alpine is hilarious. 
just kidding Alpine, we love ya and value your opinion here.
